How do you communicate?
Each day we're communicating with people around us on some level. However, are we communicating deep down on a level that we truly want to be? We often hear how clear communication is important for building strong relationships, but it's also crucial to your health. Let me explain.
Inside of us, there's an inner world that is either expressed or stifled. One of the ways that we express that inner world is through conversations. However, we must ask ourselves, are we communicating exactly what is inside us or are we speaking in code. If our communication is broken, it not only impacts our own wellbeing, it impacts the other person who we want to build a connection with. Our immune system is compromised when we consistently feel that we aren't clearly getting out of our system what is true for us or what we are asking for from the other person. We say it to our children early on, "Use your words now."
Here's what's happening when we are attempting to communicate.
Let's say you have someone listening to you speak. The other person might be listening, but barely hearing anything you are saying. This could be because they are talking while you are trying to talk to them or are distracted by something. If they happen to be talking when you're talking they can’t really be listening to what you're saying. Now, let's say they're truly listening to you speak, you then have what you are saying which is coming out of your mouth, followed by their interpretation of what you're saying. Behind your words, is what you're actually trying to say. You want to make sure the words coming out of your mouth represents what you want to say, that's the only part that you have control over. You can't control the other person having their own interpretation of what you're saying.
Ever get frustrated by a person who doesn't seem to understand you? Well, that's what's happening in that situation. The reason you feel misunderstood is that you either didn't clearly speak what is true in your inner world, the other person wasn't really listening, or you aren't satisfied with their interpretation of what you are saying. This consistent frustration will break down the integrity of your relationship and will make you feel ill over time.
If you are on either end of this scenario, here are some things you can do to improve your communication:
Try your best not to assume you know what the person is saying based on your assumptions and projections from the past. Come into the conversation with a blank slate.
When someone is speaking, focus on them and not on the phone ringing, computer screen or another person interrupting.
Avoid overpowering the person you're having a conversation with by jumping in with words or your interpretations that might confuse the person.
Give the person space to speak, especially when they're struggling to find the right words to express themselves.
Pause when you're struggling to express yourself accurately. Check-in with yourself and locate better wording that matches what you want to say.
Use specific words to describe what you want or need in the situation. For example, if you want your money back, then ask about that. If you can't talk about it now, then say that. Don't leave it for the other person to come up with their own solution or interpretation for you.
Don't pretend. If you didn't hear or understand something that was said, ask for it to be repeated or clarified.
Test some or all of these suggestions and watch how much better you feel.
What do I do now?
In my health coaching practice, I help my clients learn how under expressing themselves is leading to poor health and how to take back control of their health.
If you want to take control of your health the right way and make a commitment to being the healthiest and happiest version of yourself, then click here now to schedule a time to talk with me.
To your health,
Dejan
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